You didn’t make the baby alone but when you are a single mother, you do it all, alone. It is hard making it through the day. It feels like the world is up against you but it is really that, you are up against the world.
There are moments one feels so alone that giving up, and even wanting to give up the kid doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. All of the pressure of people’s expectations hit hard when one feels judged by someone who is not a single mother. A single mother is a woman who is the sole caregiver of a child. Sole caregiver is someone who is responsible for everything to take care of the child (financial, emotional, physical, EVERYTHING). So what can be done when stress really hits? Nothing other than self preservation. But that, in it of itself, is hard to do when you have no time. Single parenting is unnatural to begin with, it is why God designed it that a man and a woman must join to make one child.
The best way to cope is to be firm both with your self and others. Do not force yourself to follow any one else’s advice about the care of your child and how to do it.
I know you want to feel freedom again, it is hard to come by as a single mother, you have to really think about what freedom means to you, analyze it and take little steps to achieve it. Never neglect the child for your own freedom but find healthy -sane ways to do it.
Teach your child to do things for himself. You DO NOT have to do everything just because you are MOM.
Your job as a parent is to provide a safe home, roof over his head, food on the table, clothing, good health care, ensure he has a fair shot at an education, teach him right from wrong and protect him from potential harm. Your job is hard but it should not make you an invisible and insignificant person or a slave.
If you have no one to help you, find a group of parents online that are seeking other parents. Or start a group in your neighborhood yourself. Be mindful of predators who are always looking for the opportunity to build trust first and then make their move so don’t be too trusting.
If you are a parent that is feeling like giving up, or giving up the child, really consider all of your options first before doing something that you may regret later in life. If you feel like your mission in life is impossible to complete because you have a child, perhaps rethinking your mission in life is also something you will need to consider.
Try to be involved with your child. Make sure he feels loved. A child who feels rejected grows up with emotional issues and has a harder time coping with life. So always tell the child how much you care and tell them how it is you show it. I tell my kids how I show them love, when I cook, when I play with them, when I do certain things, I do them because I love them.
Meditate, pray, read, write, draw, paint, dance, sing….Don’t forget you are a human being that needs these activities for self nurturing. I learned to play congas by myself at home when stressed! You should try it, bang something hard and make noise…Feels fabulous….
Talk to other mothers, ask for advice, it is OK.
If your job is causing you additional stress LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB.
No employer has the right to pressure you in a way that he makes your life impossible to live.
If you decide you need counseling, than do that. Therapy can be helpful.
But it is super important to find a match, so make a list of what you are looking for in a Therapist and ask questions before you settle.
I hope these tips help. Remember no one has the right to judge you especially when you are doing the impossible.