If you want a design hotel with minimalist interiors and understated luxury, go elsewhere.

“Contemporary eclectic” furnishings with nude statues and leopard-fur throw pillows might not suit everyone’s taste. These serviced apartments provide every comfort you require for your stay—if your name is Joan Collins. But you never do know when you might need “bath butler” services with champagne and caviar. Every apartment has a marble bathroom with whirlpool tub and there is a sauna on the roof terrace. The minibar and erotic cable channel are free.

Granted, the real luxury here is that the apartments are catered by gourmet restaurant Niky’s Kuchlmasterei. Your own in-suite vinotheque is available upon request. Enjoy breakfast in your bathrobe while admiring your erotic frescos. Or Niky’s can pack you a picnic basket if you must get away.